Bridal Showers

So my mom's and MOH threw my two beautiful showers... Breakfast at Tiffany's and Great Gatsby set the stage! We had such a fabulous day, but I'll let the photos speak for themselves!

[ Top Left to Bottom Right: ]
Favors, brunch, shower game, cupcakes!

Playing Holly Golightly!

My gorgeous MOH! Mimosas, anyone?

My moms!

My MIL made me a cookbook of all of D's
favorite recipes and an apron too!

Panty game... Tough but fun!

Friends since we were five!

Everyone with their respective panties!

3/5 Bridesmaids!

Soon to be sister! (4th bridesmaid)

My friends are too pretty!
 

Roommate! (and fifth bridesmaid!)

Again, gorgeous MOH!

My besties from each state!

Hot Coffee & Golden Silence

I've been home for over two weeks now and I have to say, I love not having a schedule.
Not typical for my little Type-A personality, but I'm chalking it up to a mental health week (or three). Sadly, it's coming to an end all too soon, but with such a smaller workload next term, I'm not dreading going back as much as winter term, and we got a lot done over break!
I started delivering invitations (still have a mountain to fold, stuff, and label though..), had two bridal showers (they deserve a post of their own, with pictures!), BOUGHT A HOUSE, and started on some big "real-life decisions". Oh, and did I mention I graduated from my university?
Minor details right?!
I finished my Psychology & Geriatric degree two weeks ago. It was anticlimactic: I has a stranger take a picture of me with my final, turned in the biggest project of my life (a 9-month empirical research study), and then bought myself a coffee to celebrate... Party.

Finally a grad! [The red lips are to distract you from the sleepless-eyes]

After I got home, the first Saturday, we went to look at a house I loved online and D had already seen and wanted to share with me. We fell in love with it and all of its weirdness (more on that later). We put in an offer and they told us it was too low and wouldn't accept. They countered out of our budget, so we verbally offered them our max (which was still a decent way under their counter). When it still wasn't enough, we walked away, and decided to keep looking. Unbeknownst to us, our realtor also wrote up our verbal offer and attached a beautiful letter about how we as soon-to-be newlyweds and literally offering everything we had, which she sent over Monday. Less than 5 hours later (while in the middle of Men's Warehouse...) we got a call saying they had changed their minds and accepted our offer! We were so overwhelmed and feeling so blessed... The first house we actually offered on (and we only really looked at a handful of houses), and 5 hours after our offer, we were accepted. Now, as we work though financing, inspections (today!), and the myriad of other hoops to jump through, we know it isn't OURS yet, but it already feels like home.

Our first home! More pictures to follow!

Overall, this has been a spectacular break. I've rested, had my fun, and done just a little bit of work ;)
Milo and I sit down every morning and have our coffee and quiet while she naps under the blankets and I read my book... It's one of my favorite parts of the day, and going to be very absent when I head back to school.

I can't complain though. Plus, when I finish this term, I come home for good, get a husband, a house, and the life I've been breaking my neck working towards. But, it is hard to leave D and our cute new home and Milo's curly tail all behind. I still have this weekend (Easter) and a few days, so I'm just trying to soak it up while I can. Can't wait to share all of the pictures from our house and the showers! I've been incredibly blessed these last few weeks.

Spring Break Around the Corner!

Now that the midterm blues are over, and a 2 week spring break is in sight, I've bounced back. After graduation and the wedding, I'm seriously going to go into shock without having to have my brain in 15 different projects at once and pulling multiple all-nighters every week. I'm by no means complaining, I'm so thankful for the opportunity I've had at Western while simultaneously getting to move into this next chapter of life, it's just fast paced. I feel at home and comfortable on campus, but I've by no means had the typical experience, and I'm completely okay with it. I feel like I got to taste a little bit of university culture- good, bad, and ugly. I lived on campus, I lived off. I had multiple roommates, one roommate, no roommate. I've studied until my eyes ached and I've completely winged (wong?) it. I've created incredible relationships with faculty and can't wait to see how they help mentor me in my career. This morning, I drug myself out of bed (only because I could hear the coffee brewing) and started running stats and writing presentations before I even got dressed... And as much as typically it makes me want to curl up in a ball and go back to bed, I realized how cut out for this I really am. Not only has this hectic, high pressure, low sleep lifestyle been mine for a few years now, it fits who I am. I'm definitely going to enjoy a year of working/interning/prereqs, but I can't imagine NOT going back to school at this point, which is comforting. I was worried my burn out would limit my potential, but as of now, I'm not concerned. When the time is right, I'll finish my graduate degree, but who knows if I'll ever truly be done* :)



*This is both terrifying in the "oh-dear-god-ill-never-escape-homework-and-be-that-50-year-old-woman-with-the-rolly-backpack" kinda way, and comforting at the same time... Maybe I'll wait to think about this until I've finished a degree though ;)

Long Distance and a Pinterest Project

So, long distance sucks.
There's no nice way to sugar coat it. The reunions are usually magical and look like something out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, but they last three days and all of a sudden he's gone and its back to the real world. There are life events you miss for people you care about (engagements, weddings, babies), and long silences on the phone. There are dropped skype connections and "I wish I were there" moments far too often.
But, for those who have the determination and right understanding, long distance can work. I'm not saying you can white-knuckle it and make 100 rules and stalk the other persons whereabouts through friends and pretend everything is okay. You have to be in for the long haul, ready to fight and work things out when you miscommunicate, and be prepared for everything to change.

But when it all pans out, and you truly are meant to be (I'm sorry, no escaping some cliche here...), you begin to appreciate your significant other like never before. You grow, you learn to communicate in new ways, and you find ways to improve and invest in your relationship.
After doing this for almost two years, I feel like we have a whole new relationship and I'm so thankful for the knowledge that I'll be taking into our marriage. That being said, here are some (I think) adorable mugs I made today to acknowledge our distance; one for me, one for D. I love how simple they are, he already said his was going on his desk at work. :)

Instagram: @linswesterfield

Who Am I?

*Jean Valjean solo here


Last weekend, we went to Eugene to meet our wedding photographer (EEEK!) and take our engagement pictures. We had such a great time (photos to follow), but I realized that his perspective on our relationship would be solely based on our interactions over lunch and between the two of us. This was such a foreign idea to me, as everyone at home knows us so well, individually or together, that it was strange for someone to join our story this far down the road! From that tangent, I started to think, who are we? I feel confident in our individual identities, but who are we as a couple?

We're best friends who turned into lovers, the only way that stands the test of time: Slowly and wholeheartedly. We love to laugh and we are incredibly eccentric most of the time. We're both dreamers who accomplish our goals in very different ways. We share very few common interests aside from each other,  but that seems to be enough. He's incredibly protective, myself incredibly driven. We love the Lord and our families like nothing else. We'd could spend every second together and still have things to talk about, while living in separate states we talk a dozen times a day. We're partners in crime and share everything with each other. He said "I love you" before I did, and told me I'd marry him on our first date. We can do independence, but find strength in unity.

D's my best friend, my sanity, and my motivation. I can't imagine my world without him.


As sappy as I am, I think you'll see it on my face in these pictures.

From the Silent Floor & A Major Decision

Today's (gray) view from the library. I can't wait to compare this in 6 months!

It's my second day back to classes, and I think I forgot how much work this is... Between my seven (yes, seven...) classes, I can't imagine how I'm going to be successful, well rested, and personable this term. I keep telling myself that I'm almost done (158 days til graduation, but who's counting...?), but I also have to focus on starting this term strongly, because I still have a lot of hard work coming! I can definitely say this will be my hardest term, and that spring should be slightly less trying, but that's not much comfort when I've only just begun. I know I bring it upon myself with my schedule, but knowing I've done all of this in two years makes it more than worth it. Plus, I have a pretty great prize waiting for me after I finish; Anyone else getting a husband for a graduation present?! ;)

All the complaining aside, it's really setting in what a monumental year this is about to be; Confidently, I say this might be the biggest year of my life. Come December, I will be a college graduate (dual wielding bachelors? Is that a thing?), married, and God-knows-what-else. It's about to be a challenging year in every way possible, but I'm so thankful already, and it's only been a week!

It feels good to be back on campus, even within the chaos... I really do love Western Oregon, I just wish it was closer to home. It's starting to set in that I'm almost done here! I've successfully set out what I aimed to accomplish, but its weird to think of all my friends coming back here in the fall and carrying on... I guess it's that change thing again :). I know not everyone agrees with what I'm doing with my life, and that's okay; I had one friend who, in the same breath with which she congratulated me, told me she felt bad I was getting married. She felt that I was missing out on this great big adventure of being single and wild and traveling the world-- But in my eyes, I'm joining in on the biggest adventure of my life, and getting to experience everything with my best friend. None of the goals I have for myself will be negatively impacted by my marriage, and for the lovely family members who mourn me "throwing my life away to be a wife", things have honestly changed. D doesn't expect me to sit at home, barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life*. I'm going to have more freedom with my career, school, kids, travels, whatever. I probably will never have dinner on the table at 5 o'clock exactly, won't fetch his paper and slippers in the evening, and won't stay at home scrubbing the baseboards with a toothbrush-- But that's okay. We'll be partners, and share the responsibilities. We'll (God-willing) both be working, both be taking care of the not-yet-a-glimmer-in-our-eye-children, both helping to run a household, and continuing to accomplish goals together. This is only the beginning [end marriage rant, apologize profusely].

That all being said, or screamed at times, leads me to one of the bigger decisions I've made recently:
 I'm not heading into grad school this fall.
I've finally decided which program is the best fit for me, and it requires a year of A&P that I've never had, so I'll take a year (or more) to complete those requirements and then apply. The list of benefits to this choice are astronomical, and I've never felt more relieved. I'm gonna get to settle into married life, start my job search, and renew my motivation; I'm not "quitting" school, just re-pacing myself. In the mean time (after graduation), there's a job at the Children's Hospital I'm in love with, and will be pursuing the internship for, which would start in January (I know, a year away....). Depending on if that works out or not will determine how school works for me and/or when.

With everything on the horizon, I'm honestly really looking forward to this year, even the next section of Advanced Quantitative Statistical Research Methods. Well, maybe not that specifically, but inclusively I guess. I've always doubted the power of time and expectation, although I've been defied every time, and I'm sure these next few weeks, months, seasons will be the same... This just feels like the grown-up version of 44 for me, and I can't wait.



*Pregnant for the rest of my life sounds like a fate worse than death. Maybe they were on to something ;)

Change, or lack of.

After we got home tonight, my mom causally slipped in that her and my dad were thinking about moving out of my childhood home. Seeing as I don't technically live there anymore, and won't ever again, this shouldn't be a big deal, but as I laid on the couch tonight, with my mom's puppy in my lap and D sleeping next to be, I was overwhelmed. I set down my book, held my coffee with both hands, and stared into the fire. Change is not something I embrace or accept well, even just potential change. I look at the (gorgeous) ring on my left hand, think of all my transcripts say I've accomplished, consider the life plan I've laid out... and realize they're all coming to fruition, and I haven't considered the breadth of what that means: Life's moving on, and change is unstoppable.
I'm a decent student. Not great, but a 3.5 tried and true. I work hard, participate, and take about 24 credits per quarter; it's all I've known since I was 16 years old. But with my recent decision to not go straight into grad school, the comfort and routine of this familiar "lifestyle" will be over in 6 months... My whole life, and one day I'm "done". Everything will be in transition towards getting a new job, maybe applying to further education, and supporting my family... Everything will change.
In 200 days (exactly!), D & I'll be married! I'm so incredibly excited, but with that comes such a strong pressure to be "ready". There's no way I'll have any idea what I'm getting myself into until I can look back, 10 years down the road, and laugh at my ignorance. My own desires and the expectations of others present this perfect wife image from day one, and I know that my own definition of failure will be the downfall of my attempts... For those of you who are married/engaged, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you know this feeling, but for those of you who aren't: Do you know how heart-stopping it is to promise someone the rest of your life? Even when you know that person is the only one you'd want to marry? Because it's terrifying. I've known D was the person I was gonna marry for years now, and yet I don't feel worthy of being his wife, and therefore project that he feels that way as well. I know (logically) that he does't find me unworthy or inferior, but that perfection complex always seems to sneak in and make my heart question what my brain knows. My own insecurity effects more than just me now, and in seven months, nothing will be about me anymore. My whole life has been spent being self-absorbed and here I am, vowing to put someone else first? Everything will change.
I've had such a black and white life plan since I was 15 years old, with a start and finish point and all the steps between listed out; it was beautiful and made me feel safe and successful. Aside from college degrees and someday being a wife, nothing on that flawless flowchart lines up anymore and although I know I can't live my life with a checklist, I can damn well try. Now, this picture-perfect bubble that I've dreamed of for over five years is bursting, and although the alternatives are incredibly exciting, it's disorienting to feel lost. My plan's not waiting on anyone, myself included, and I'm about to be launched into it, headfirst. Ready or not, everything will change.
To backtrack up the rabbit trail, the sale of my parents house is much more than simply tangible. By my parents downsizing, they're admitting to an empty nest and a new chapter of life... When did they get old enough to head into this season of life? What about the pets we buried in the backyard? Will I still have a bedroom with them (told you I was self centered...), or will my kids someday? I had a much deeper appreciation for our beautiful house when I realized someone else could call it home sooner-rather-than-later. I ran my hands over the granite, and thought of how everything here was picked out to suit my parents specifically. They've spent the last 16 years of their lives here, basically rebuilt it from the ground up, crafted it to match years worth of dreams and months worth of work, and now it could all be gone.

But isn't that life? You get it together, exactly as you've imagined it, and all of a sudden it becomes time to say goodbye. 

I'm never quite ready for that part, even when all the signs are present. I'm about to say goodbye to my time as an undergrad, as a roommate, and as a daughter (primarily)... and although I'm becoming a professional, a wife, and beginning my life, it feels like all of those things will be missed. We always want what we can't have, and appreciate it once it's gone, but the transition into the unknown petrifies me. Really, I'd be okay with staying in that picturesque dream, where all is as it should be. I know I'd never grow or be challenged, but with my hatred of change, regardless of if it's positive or negative, I'd rather be stagnant than great, and therein lies the problem.

2013, be good to me. Let the changes come naturally and subtly, and keep them positive... I don't know if I could handle negative change too.